what I've learned so far...

I’ve been wondering a lot lately about why everything went down the way it did. why did I deal with so much negativity and so much bullying. what was the wisdom behind all my suffering? what was the lesson I was supposed to learn?

I keep thinking that there is something that I need to gain. after all, a diamond only got her shine after being roughed up so much.

so I sit here and I still wonder what I was ultimately supposed to gain from my past experience.

here is what I think the lesson was: I needed to go through hell to appreciate heaven.

the old work place showed me that I could never fit in where I did belong. I was never meant to be in that awful place, and that’s why there was so much resistance. they never accepted me as an equal and I was often shunned and disrespected. but at the new work place, my job is easy and people are nice. I am finally where I am meant to be. I love being with my people! the path of least resistance was the one I was meant to be on after all, but I never would have reached it had it not been for the struggle on … the wrong path.

I was told I needed to change. but there is nothing that needed to change except for their attitudes towards me. I’ve always been a goodhearted person and they hated me for it - even took advantage of my kindness on several occasions. while I was there I dealt with a great deal of racism and disrespect. I was constantly discriminated against and even verbally abused many a times. some colleagues even hit me. I stayed quiet and didn’t respond in any way. this is very unlike me because I never shy from fighting back; but I felt that while I was there that I needed to tone it down and stay calm and peaceful. and so they felt it was ok to shit all over me.

I had my heartbroken, my spirit broken, and my coffee-press broken… I was even sexually assaulted by a co-worker. all of this caused me to lose my mind. I tried to heal myself with therapy but my mental health would remain damaged and un-fixable because I kept returning to the source of all my problems.

when I left my life got so much better. I am so much better off without them. if they think that I am the one to blame, then they are wrong. my only crime was being silent while they took away my humanity.

the only thing I gained from this experience is the peace of mind when I left.

I am now in a place where I am treated well by everyone. and I am happy at last. it took being on the path of least resistance to get to my final destination where I am surrounded by joy from each angle, and love prevails over hate.