that’s right! I’m still here!!!
another year to live and so many more too (inshalla)!
I’m so happy to be here! I can’t believe it’s been one year since these suicidal thoughts left my mind.
if feels great to be to alive!
I’m finally in a place where I belong with people who are like me. no longer that dandelion through the cracks of cement, I am finally a flower in a garden with other flowers.
I’ve come such a long way from the days when I would drive to and from work with my eyes closed in hopes that I would crash and burn and not have to go to work that day…
I love going to work now, despite that annoying coworker (more details to follow). everyone is really nice and I can be myself around them. at last I am where I belong. work is going well and the chemistry thing feel right. it feels like something I’ve done all along, like there was no long gap between my days at Kuwait University and my having-a-job days. things are going well…
the only thing missing is a lover in my life, but other than that, all is well!
I am super happy all the time and not much brings me down… the only time I cry is when they talk about babies!!! I love it when moms show love towards their children and that bring a happy-tear to my eyes; but apparently some people (ie. my annoying coworker) thinks there is a deeper meaning to this… she neeeeeeeds to know why I cry at the mention of babies… this came up after I shed some tears after seeing a tattoo on a Lush employee and commenting on it. I want to get a tattoo so bad! this is why I’m always looking at them and asking people who are inked about the process and what the designs mean. she told me iwell, first of all: fuck you! and secondly, I am a sensitive person with a sensitive soul and that’s why I’m touched at mother’s love. what more is there to that? sure, there is the Freudian explanation (maybe not that deep, but close) to this, but I am proud of my tears. I have no reason to hide my feelings towards the fact that parents are proud of their children and want to show them love. I was brought up that way. my parents loved me, even at times when I felt that they stood against me or that they didn’t buy me all the things I wanted. I am proud of them and their efforts, and that’s enough for me. I love it when other parents show their love and affection for their children. I mean, what’s wrong with that? nothing! as a matter of fact, we need more parents doing that for their kids. it’s not shameful, and it’s not something that will spoil them. it’s just a good thing to do. good vibes are much needed these days, and that’s one way to show them : by being good to your children!
I am not taking about the that whole scandal with Lori Loughlin and how she “loved” her daughter so much that she got her into college with bribery and fraud. that’s another thing. it’s not something that should be done. I feel that encouragement is the best way to show a child that you love them. and when when they mess up, you should allow them to take that shit and move on. they are going to learn from that experience. encourage them to do that! no amount of love is equal to buying your child’s way into life. they are strong enough to get there on their own. you just have to love them.
I am alive and well today because my mom and dad loved me. I am much stronger because of them being by my side and allowing me to fight my battles and provide minimal assistance. they did not push me to the top, but rather offered words of encouragement to help me to reach my destination on my own. I wish that for everyone.