cross my heart

a week ago, I ran into my old boss. I was getting fuel for the day from Starbucks, and he was waiting ahead of me in line. my heart started to beat fast. I began to gasp for air. I could feel my face turn red. was it love? no! I was just really bothered to see him. I didn't exchange looks with him and even ignored hims when he glanced over and gave a very casual, "hi". I hid behind a sign that displayed the new frap that Starbucks was peddling. I hand a qiunoa salad in my hand and I wanted to get more things, but I couldn't see any more because my eyes were filled with tears. I quickly put down what was in my hands, and ran out of the coffee shop. I was already pretty mad because I was hungry and now I became even more mad after seeing him and having to ditch my food. the whole thing just made my day even worst. not that any day that I go to work is good anyway, but that day as especially terrible.

let me explain: this "boss" of mine was somebody that I complaint to about how I'm getting mistreated at work. he laughed right in my face and ignored my sadness. a lot of the "bosses" did. thinking that my worries were nothing but a bunch of crocodile-tears, I was told to just sop being lazy and carrying with my work. long story short, those bully-boys were just unhappy with me because I made a formal complaint about a co-worker who was being disrespectful to me. they didn't like me picking a fight with their little sweetheart. I wonder what would happen if I reported a co-worker for sexually assaulting me! the'd probably take his side too. 

working at this company has not been easy. I have been through so much for nothing. all my co-workers keep telling me to get over it and move on. they tell me to keep my mouth shut and just stick it out until payday. I can't do that. they are expats and have a lot to look after. I am a daughter of this country and I don't like the great deal of abuse I'm getting. I even tell them not to take insults and rude behavior from others so lightly. so far the only person they ever speak up about is me. they feel very comfortable reporting me to the boss over the smallest things. I've seen a co-worker getting yelled at by a younger co-worker and this happened in front of a lot of people. non of them stood up and said anything. I had a running with that same co-worker (the one who got yelled at) and she went up to my boss immediately and told her that I was being rude. I was only trying to get some clarity about my salary and she dismissed me. is this really what I get for defending myself? what about that guy who berated you and insulted you in front of others that day. what punishment did he get? nothing. 

I've made it very clear that I'm unhappy about being there. and I've raised the issue several times. if you can't change an evil, then the least you can do is let others know about it. 

at this juncture, I feel a kin to the prophets. those who suffered a great deal of injustice and abuse for nothing other than speaking the truth. those holy men were tortured because others simply didn't like them. it's the same as my situation. I am not at fault, but due to lack of understanding (and racism) I am getting chastised for everything. what fault was it if a man comes and speaks kind words and tells you that there is an All Might God who will grant you heaven if you obey some simple rules. can't you just ignore him if you don't like it? did you really have to crucify him? it's not just that, as Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) and his family after him suffered mercilessly at the hands of so many people. what faults did they have. those guys were infallible for God's sake! but they were beat down and roughed up non the less.

I guess this is one of God's ways of telling us mere mortals to not get discouraged in the face of adversity. it happens only to the best of us. and only those who are strong enough will be the one who are truly worthy of God's ultimate blessing.


I bought a bracelet from a colleague of mine at work. she was selling them on behalf of a friend of hers. I wanted to show a little support for their small-business endeavor. I am a Muslim, but I still wear a cross as a reminder not to lose "faith". it's a reminder to keep hope alive.