something awful happened at work today. I'm not supposed to talk about it, so here it goes:
a colleague of ours passed away. he took his own life. it's always so sad to receive such awful news, but I was glad in way - for him. he is finally at peace. finally he is able to rest from all the work and hardships of life.
I'm not condoning this behavior, au contraire; as I am very pro-life. I am the most anti-suicide person that you can ever meet. the only thing I'm trying to say is that the pain is now over - for him, at least.
it's never easy to say good-bye, nor is it ok for parents t bury their own children.
it's a very selfish act that becomes public and makes everyone feel bad. and over what, really?
so in a way it's a terrible move after all. although he may be happy now, and I very much doubt that he is; all those who knew him are very sad over this.
I for one have thought about killing myself so many times. I wanted to just die simply over bad feelings of love not returned or too many hardships in life. but as a teenager, we all go through it. and luckily we grew out of it and never really go through with it after all.
but when I joined the work force and ended up having to deal with lack of respect and injustice at every turn, those suicidal feelings grew larger than life. the amount of abuse I suffered was unbearable. even Oswald Cobblepot (a.k.a The Penguin) didn't deal with this much shit when he worked for Fish Mooney. I mean, he only had his foot broken once. I had to deal with many "breaks" while I was there. I've had my spirit broken, my heart broken, and even my coffee press was broken!
it's pretty crazy how I've allowed this to happen to me. they have taken everything from me. I stood silent for too long that they thought it was ok to treat me so badly.
I snapped, but after a long time. I had to do it. I needed to breathe. I was suffocating. I lost my voice, but only because they silenced me. but then again, I haven't really lost anything. it seemed like they took something from me, but they never really took anything at all. I just forgot that I had a power myself.
it's the biggest shame on all of us when we think that we are weak because of how others treat us. their actions towards us are an imposition, yes, but we have the power to push back.
they will always make you feel like you are without any power, but just remember that you are not as they see you. you are powerful.
just like The Penguin took a stand [for himself, really] I too decided that it's about time that I raised my voice against injustice. I'm not saying that I did exactly as The Penguin did, but I just let those-on-top know that they can no longer bully me or others around. for far too long, I have been verbally abused and bullied at work. they will no longer treat me with such disrespect.
it began as a selfish act but quickly became a very public act. and sooner than I knew, change took place.
good things will happen soon.
having been to the other side, where I myself were once on the brink of committing suicide and wanting to end my own suffering by ultimately ending my life; I know that there is no better way to end your suffering than to continue to live. it's better to stay alive and show raise hell for those who caused you harm than to kill yourself and live in hell forever.
I'm not trying to instigate anything, but just the fact that you have chosen to stay alive will give your troubles a swift kick in the ass, and then they will soon go away.
I have tried this myself. because as soon as I made the declaration to end my life, there were a million reasons that revealed themselves to me that made me want to keep on living. and a million more people came into my life to encourage me to carry on even further.
so it's true after all: the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one.
I just feel bad that this colleague of mine didn't have the same support I had before he ended his life.
"there are no heroes in Gotham"*. change starts with you.
*Jerome - episode 3.14 - Gotham.