a guy like "Nate"

after I went to the gym today, I took a drive to the public park nearby. it's a little deserted place in the heart of the Fintas area in Kuwait; but it's been recently renovated, so that should attract more than just dust to it. they also added a Starbucks to help bring a more sophisticated demographic to the park and perhaps get more people interested in the outdoors. a lot of the Starbucks cafes are located in malls or busy strips near tall apartment buildings, so putting one in a park is actually a really good idea.

many a times, I wanted to leave my room and do a blog from a cafe. but the "cool" cafes are all too far away from where I live and I've got coffee and goodies at home, so there's really no need to get all dressed up and drive for 20 minutes to to write a blog for 30 minutes and pay a bill of 5KD + and then drive back home.  and that's why I always end up producing blogs from the comfort of my own room. no need for all the fuss! 

but walking through that park made me feel something. it was different. this might be my go-to place after all; and I won't have to drive forever and back to get there, and being at the park with nature is really good for my tired sould.

but being at that park also made me feel very lonely. I am already alone, so I'm familiar with that feeling. but the "lonely" thing never really bothered me. no that being alone bothered me either. but I felt really strange being there without anyone by my side. I wished so badly that I was with someone. not just for the sake of being with some at the park for that particular moment, but I wanted someone to share my life with - and many walks in the parks with too. 

I know I'm not alone in being "alone". a lot of people, like, really great people, feel this way and long to be with someone. the great James Charles, for example, is one such person. and I hate the fact that for someone so amazing, he's still single. like, where does that leave uggos like me?

JC_boyfriend

I've been fine with being single so far, but this is getting a little crazy. I'm feeling more and more lonely and it's not healthy. I can't seem to be to click with anyone because of all the social anxiety I feel whenever I'm in a crowd. and to be honest, I don't know what I'm looking for exactly. like, if I do meet this guy, will I know it's "him"? I haven't really taken the time to decide on the qualities I want in a man of my own. it's hard to tell what a good guy now a days. 

and truth be told, I'm sure that who ever he may be; he is looking my way is not interested at all. meeting and falling in love with someone who wears a shit-load of makeup on her face (and a hijabi on top of it all) is not a very likely situation. girls who are deemed "high maintenance" are often neglected. but that's not all there is to me; and yet he will never know.

but then again, all those beauty bloggers I follow have found love; and so that inspires me to just keep going. a face full of paint is not a major obstacle (and neither is my hijab) and so I will just wait for love...

I love watching people in love carry on with their daily lives. it's a weird hobby, but so it bird watching or being a SciFi fan... it makes me happy to see them being happy. I've never felt any kind of animosity towards anyone who is in a relationship. even though I've never had anyone, I don't mind it when others find love. the fact that they are pairing up means that my turn is coming soon.  

I've been keeping a close on one beauty blogger in particular because I think that his life is so amazing.

MEOW. ✊🏼🔥 custom suit by @gucci #apmas #jeffreestarcosmetics

A post shared by Nathan Schwandt (@datschwandt) on

Jeffree Star has been in the "business" for a really long time. I've always wanted to be a fan of his, but it couldn't be for the music because I'm loyal to Darren Hayes. but I listen to songs by Jeffree Star now and I'm loving his work! 

 

although it took a while, Jeffree has found the love of his life and has since then been sharing all sorts of romantic moments with his boyfriend, Nathan Schwandt. I think it's so wonderful that they have found each other. and since their love life is so public, I have come to know what is that I want for my future love. I'm so happy to have a template - makes finding my future husband so much easier! I've often imagined someone with Nate-like qualities but kept doubting myself because I didn't think guys like that even existed. but seeing this video with Nate and Jeffree reassured me that "he" is out there somewhere...

see what I mean.

I hope that someday I will be able to share a life similar to that of Jeffree's and Nate's.